JP Dinos in their post-stardom lives (JOKE)
Sept 21, 2019 19:56:41 GMT -5
Post by Diamondback on Sept 21, 2019 19:56:41 GMT -5
Forwarding from a gun-nut buddy for y'all's amusement...
Middle-aged velociraptors remembering the Jurassic Park good times
The recent release of the movie 'Jurassic world' saw a lot of middle-aged and bespectacled velociraptors around here reminiscing about starring in the original movie...
A recent local newspaper article by Orville Gleep, the original one-liner kid, noted that the dinosaurs, stars of the breakout hit of 1993’s Jurassic Park, have all left their movie careers behind to live peaceful suburban lives. Velociraptor Tom Logan, now an orthodontist, said: “I don’t get recognised much any more. Hardly surprising – people remember the sleek young predator from the movie and here’s me with a paunch, no scales left on the top of my head, sucking on a vape pen and doing the school run. I've even got an ingrown toe-nail that been slowly driving me nuts for years.
My podiatrist, another velociraptor - Eugene [remember him? He's the one who fell over on all the gumballs in Godzilla - what a card!!!], tells me it's not just my bad posture, but lack of exercise - I cleared our neighbourhood of most domestic pets over the years, even a couple of retired greyhounds....and I'm really not up to chasing deer on the odd occasion that me and my wife, Myrtle, go hiking.
“These dinosaurs they’ve got in this new one – metriacanthosaurus, baryonyx, mosasaurus – I’ve never heard of them. It’d have been nice if they’d called me up for a cameo, but we had our time. So I keep a low profile these days, though my kids’ school did find out and got me to hunt down and disembowel a math teacher to open up their summer fete.”
Logan is still in touch with some of his fellow velociraptor stars, one of whom owns a parcel delivery business in Woebegone, North Dakota, and the other who is a brew-pub pub landlord in Ptarmigan, near South Bend, Indiana. He added: “Roy, the T-Rex? So sad. He thought he was invincible. He called me a few years ago, from rehab. He was going to call me again when he got out. That’s the last time anyone heard from him.”
Terry Dactyl, another star back in the day, now helps run a wind-surfing centre in Southern Oregon, and, Gleep notes, was loathe to draw too much attention to himself these days, having had a run-in with the Immigration Services after failing to provide valid ID when approaching the state for permission to open up his new business. "It was all settled pretty quickly" - he recalled, " especially when I reminded them that THEY were the immigrants in reality - hell, my family have been around here for the last 100 million years, give or take..."
Middle-aged velociraptors remembering the Jurassic Park good times
The recent release of the movie 'Jurassic world' saw a lot of middle-aged and bespectacled velociraptors around here reminiscing about starring in the original movie...
A recent local newspaper article by Orville Gleep, the original one-liner kid, noted that the dinosaurs, stars of the breakout hit of 1993’s Jurassic Park, have all left their movie careers behind to live peaceful suburban lives. Velociraptor Tom Logan, now an orthodontist, said: “I don’t get recognised much any more. Hardly surprising – people remember the sleek young predator from the movie and here’s me with a paunch, no scales left on the top of my head, sucking on a vape pen and doing the school run. I've even got an ingrown toe-nail that been slowly driving me nuts for years.
My podiatrist, another velociraptor - Eugene [remember him? He's the one who fell over on all the gumballs in Godzilla - what a card!!!], tells me it's not just my bad posture, but lack of exercise - I cleared our neighbourhood of most domestic pets over the years, even a couple of retired greyhounds....and I'm really not up to chasing deer on the odd occasion that me and my wife, Myrtle, go hiking.
“These dinosaurs they’ve got in this new one – metriacanthosaurus, baryonyx, mosasaurus – I’ve never heard of them. It’d have been nice if they’d called me up for a cameo, but we had our time. So I keep a low profile these days, though my kids’ school did find out and got me to hunt down and disembowel a math teacher to open up their summer fete.”
Logan is still in touch with some of his fellow velociraptor stars, one of whom owns a parcel delivery business in Woebegone, North Dakota, and the other who is a brew-pub pub landlord in Ptarmigan, near South Bend, Indiana. He added: “Roy, the T-Rex? So sad. He thought he was invincible. He called me a few years ago, from rehab. He was going to call me again when he got out. That’s the last time anyone heard from him.”
Terry Dactyl, another star back in the day, now helps run a wind-surfing centre in Southern Oregon, and, Gleep notes, was loathe to draw too much attention to himself these days, having had a run-in with the Immigration Services after failing to provide valid ID when approaching the state for permission to open up his new business. "It was all settled pretty quickly" - he recalled, " especially when I reminded them that THEY were the immigrants in reality - hell, my family have been around here for the last 100 million years, give or take..."
